Read carefully and think

You guys wanted to know if what I was going to put here was good or bad. Well Maybe you'll find out as you read on. As you all know I'm not the nicest person on earth. In fact I'm sometimes not all that nice at all. I really feel ashamed and I really feel bad, I really feel sorry, I really feel unforgivable. I always though I was being nice but people just didn't understand, or that they just didn't like me. But the truth is I was the one that I didn't like. I didn't like myself, it's the truth. Though you need to find that out on your own sometime around. I learned it the painful way. Because the truth is you guys, yes you as wierd as it may seem were the nicest friends I have ever had. You guys weren't all the time so pushy and really super nice, and that's good because I'd never learn that way. And well also even though there may be a hole or some memory that well, I was mean. I really just wish it could be forgotton, though that's not possible. And also guys when I try and act nice you kind ignore me I try and fit in and tag along but it's not like it used to be. Like we were all talking. Now it's that You talk and I listen, I don't say anything because I'm scared that I might make a fool of myself or you'll laugh at me or ignore me, and so I feel uneeded unimportant. Every single year I though I had the best friend ever but in the end. At then end of the school year they got fed up with me and they left I was all alone durring the summer, crying and sad, moping and weeping. Asking myself what did I do? To me it seemed nothing, to me it seemed like they either hated me or just were plain mean. Though I was mean. And well I feel left out at home, no one listens to me, no one cares if I fall or get hurt, no one cares about my oppinion, no one cares what I do, no one cares about me untill I cry or get mad or do something bad! That is when they finally notice me. I get punsihed for their faults, I cry and sob because of their faults, but what I'm unsure of if they are my faults too... and you guys, you helped me clear that up sometimes and you guys are my friends, the only thing I hope for is now that you have the same perspective. Go to the first post I made if you would like to comment me back... and maybe if you think really hard you'll understand how I feel, deep inside my heart is in pain and there is no cure sometimes, and maybe this cure could be you with your heart beside me just maybe....